Inspired by the Lululemon email today:
2010 I Will List
I will run 2 1/2 Marathons
I will run at least 2 Triathlons
I will own a home
I will become a Weight Watchers lifetime member
I will catch up on the phone with friends instead of over email
I will travel to one place I've never been before
I will work hard and play harder
I will be creative 3 times a month
I will plant flowers, vegetables and herbs in my first Garden
I will retain my Yoga practice
What will you do in 2010?
"An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?"
After my last day at my post-unemployment job and my first day at my yes-this-is-what-I-should-be-doing-job I went to NH for a week.
I sat on the porch soaking up the June sun, I picked peonies everyday, I ate well and slept well and lived well. It was blissful and exactly what I needed.
I felt fresh and happy and ready for my next step. I was calm, at peace and excited. I got there by going after what I wanted, by seeking it out and reaching for it.
I was proud and satisfied and full on my accomplishment.
I look back on that week and just smile and let out a deep satisfying breath.
This year started with me rediscovering cook and the joy of it. Unfortunately it waned in the later part of the year, I'm not going to worry too much because I have a feeling it will pick back up. I remain very interested in recipes and cooking, I just have lost my desire to get up and do it. I'll get back there. In the meantime this is a segway in to a blogger I only discovered this year and who has helped to keep me excited about cooking and also reinvigorated my love of photography is The Pioneer Woman. Her love story drew me in, and I stayed for the food, photography and most of the time her odd personality and quirky style of writing. Who can complain about all her giveaways too?
Here's to reading her in to 2010 and cooking and clicking along the way!
Today's Best of '09 is supposed to be about the best conference or workshop I attended this year. Unfortunately I didn't get to attend any, but hopefully I will in years to come. I did attend a few webinars when I was at my first job this year and after each one I felt energized and excited about all the possibilities there are in my line of work. The problem can be implementing. Change is never easy and many organizations are scared of the process. Until my recent job I've been in positions where I haven't truly been able to drive and push for changes. I'm not quite in that position yet currently, but I'm close and I need to remind myself that my voice is heard and my voice is desired. So while I didn't attend a best conference or workshop this year, this was a helpful reminder of what has inspired me in my work and that I should act on those inspirations.
note: I remembered while writing this post that I attended the SARK writing workshop over the summer. That was a fabulous experience, however I think the resonance of it is clear when it wasn't the first thing that popped in to my mind...
So, I'm giving this a shot for December. I hope I can keep up with the daily posts, but I'm not going to commit to anything, no need for that disappointment!
Today's post: The Best Night Out
Wow, when you really start to think about these prompts you realize how difficult it can be to go back through an entire year, and by difficult I mean remember the entire year. I guess the point is that it should really stick out though, right?
This past year there were two fantastic weddings that I was in and thinking back it would have to be the nights out for those. Since I have to pick one- here goes.
My return to Boston
Since leaving in 2007, I admittedly haven't been very good about going back to visit Boston, my home of 3 years. I miss it. But enough about me, let's talk about the night. Kate and I rented a hotel room, which was plush and comfy and right near all the action. The restaurant had been booked, the supplies bought, and the bars scoped. The bachelorette bash in Beantown was looking good.
Helena (the bride to be), Kate, Robin, Jen, Laura and I all met in the room and put on our beads and penis paraphernalia. We were ready to go. After some Champagne in the hotel bar to loosen us up, we were a mixed group of friends, we headed to a funky new bar, Drink. We hunkered up in a spot that fit our group and watched the magic happen. The bartenders here just want to know what you enjoy and then they, using classic bar-tending skills, mix up something that's better than you'd ever imagine. They have many tricks up their sleeves and our minds were getting foggier and our laughs louder. After a few delicious beverages we headed to dinner at Joe's on the water. The waiter was young and funny, and we were getting more and more giggly. Perfect. It was time to break out the big guns.
We walked quickly to our next destination, the club. The penis pops came out, the penis necklaces were finally adorned. The bachelorette tiara went on. It was time to break this party wide open.
We found a great spot in the basement where the music was pumping and people dancing, to top it off there was a poll to dance on. This party was getting good! We danced, sweated, had some shots, and explored the 3 floors of the bar before deciding to call it a night, just in time. We'd done it up right in honor of our bachelorette.
We're not the 23 year olds we used to be, and we know when it is time to just cozy up in a feather bed and talk about the excitement of getting married, which is just how the night ended.
So why was this the best night out of '09? I was with my best friends, in a city i love, living it up in the perfect style. Fantastic.
I told myself I'd go to bed at 10:30 tonight so I'd get my 9 hours of sleep, and yet here I am up and at my computer, watching the Patriots and thinking of excuses/reasons I'm not in bed. Reality is, I don't like to miss things. I like to be a part of things, in the mix, and all that. However, another piece of my reality is that I'm a homebody and shy too.
I was very, extremely, so so close to skipping the 10 year high school reunion that I organized this past weekend. I didn't want to go, I wanted to cozy up at home and do the safe avoidance thing. The other whatever on my shoulder was telling me, "But what about everything you might miss, what if you wake up and check facebook on Saturday and see all these awesome pictures and think oh shit why didn't I go!?" I went back in forth all day. Seriously. Melia told me she could write a Nurses note saying I had H1N1. My Aunt told me I'd be crazy to not go, I had to go. My Mom thought it would be cool to skip after having organized it. I knew Matt would be happy to skip. Oy.
Why am I so double sided? Why is it that I like to be the center of attention, and also like to avoid, skip, cancel and cuddle up safely at home? I'm an introvert with mega extrovert skills, that's why. Thanks SARK!
Anyway, this is supposed to be short so I can actually get in to bed, made much easier given the Saints just scored again. I went to the reunion. It was good, I'm glad I went. I let the buzz of a Scorpion Bowl make me say something I probably shouldn't have, no drama just silly. I saw people I was happy to see, I felt a little awkward around people I expected to and I left a little early so I could run home and put on my PJs. Phew. Moral of the story? I can have both, I can't quite have my cake and eat it too (Why didn't I just invite everyone to my Mom's house!?) but I can put my neck out and be uncomfortable and happy that I experienced something and still get home in time to feel warm, safe and happy on my Mom's couch.
Daily thanks has been all over Twitter and Facebook lately. I stopped updating my facebook status about 6 or so months ago, so I haven't participated, but I've been thinking about the many things I have to be thankful for, and so here is a list of 22 daily thanks for the month so far. With more to come in the coming days and week.
1. A husband who smiles at me everytime I come home, or when he walks in to a room and I'm there.
2. A family that supports us, loves us and isn't afraid to show it.
3. A boss I can laugh and be silly and snarky with.
4. A good job.
5. My green thumb.
6. Gap Gift Cards to fix a shopping urge on a budget.
7. Clean laundry.
8. Afternoon naps.
9. Days off.
10. Firsts, college basketball and hockey games.
11. Being someones person.
12. Races in Yankee Stadium that leave you feeling high for weeks after.
13. Manicures
14. FRS
15. Football
16. Being able to buy a house that will take us many years in to the future.
17. Chick Lit to read on the train in the morning.
18. Central Park
19. Seeing Matt get to run through Yankee stadium.
20. Flowers from my husband to celebrate my raise.
21. Big beautiful artichokes to make for dinner.
22. Knowing every night when I come home my husband will be there to say hello with a hug and a kiss.
How about you? What are you thankful for this month?
Matt puts popcorn in microwave
Me: "You really have to watch it."
Matt: "I know, I'm listening."
Me: "Okay. I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did." The smell of burnt popcorn still weighs heavy in the air.
Matt: "Yeah, but you made it on the stove top, right?"
Me: "No!"
Matt:"You didn't?"
Me: laughing, "No!"
Matt: "But, you like to make popcorn on the stove top."
Me: "Yes, but not when it is microwave popcorn!"
The smell of burnt popcorn is overcome by the peals of laugther
Matt: "Okay, okay, watch me get burned for never making food as a child."
Moments later
Me: "You're filling another glass? You just used a glass for dinner!"
Matt: "I know, but I just put it in the dishwasher."
Me: "This is why we have to run the dishwasher so often!"
Matt: "You're right, I know. If you want to be more concious of this, we can be more concious of it. I'm on board."
Walks to the sink to fill the brita.
Me: "The popcorn! It's burning!"
I think I need to give myself a prize at the end of this two weeks, if we come out of it with the outcome I'm hopeful of, that is. And then I think, the next 2 months of my life might be like this. Then I kind of cry a little, and then grumble, and then want to hide under the covers. Thankfully, I finish this process with reminding myself that I have tools at my disposal. One of my go to's for the past month has been running. I've been writing about it a lot over here. Last Wednesday was a rough day and I came home really wanting to whine, lay on the couch ignoring life via TV watching and whine some more. I went running instead and came back in the door for the 2nd time that night feeling renewed. The same thing happened tonight.
When people ask me about running, especially when people marvel at the distances I've run I always throw in a, "It keeps me sane!" Because, seriously, it does. Also keeping me sane, my awesome Husband, fantastic friends and family I can bounce everything off of. (Also that was a great way to give some props via links- go on and click on them people!)
But back to running. There is something so healing in the pounding of my feet on the pavement, the feeling of the air on my face and how easily I can move through my thoughts and get to a place where I feel steady and strong and ready to face what the world throws at me, good and bad and everything in between.
Those endorphins it releases, they are powerful, and key tools for me to remember to use as I head further in to this time they call, being an adult.
Something about the cooler temperatures, and crisper air makes me want to nestle in and write, write, write. I'll take it!
Last night I couldn't sleep- and I wanted to open up this page and just word vomit, but then I decided that I always write in those situations, when the words just flow out of me and usually it is melancholy. I decided to push myself to not write when it is easy, to sometimes make it a little bit more challenging and write when maybe I don't feel it. That is when you can yield the greatest reward- right?
I'm drinking some Dunkin' Dounts coffee and it transports me right back to Boston. You know what else does? Finding out from a friend last night that she was going out to get drinks with a guy she briefly dated when we were roommates, flash backs here they come! I can feel myself back there, back in that place in my life. It was good. I didn't feel it in the moments, but looking back, I had it, I had that typical post collegiate experience. I moved in with someone from school, I set up shop in a new city and I slowly started taking those big adult steps everyone has to take at some point. We had a good thing going. It started off with crazy nights out every weekend, typical, I know. Then it transitioned in to more neighborly get togethers. TV nights, pot luck dinners, shared holiday fun. We were growing up and it felt good. And then it had to end.
At the time, I didn't really let myself think too deeply about what moving really meant. I was going through a shit storm of a time emotionally, I won't even link to blogs about it but just head back to the Fall of 2006 and Winter/Spring of 2007 and you'll see, and so moving kind of felt like running away. I thought that if I moved, things would be better, I guess. Of course that never is the way.
I look back now and think of how months before I had already left, I was already gone and I wonder how that must have felt for my roommate, my dear friend. I know I had been pushing her away emotionally for months. It didn't have anything to do with her, I was dealing with my own shit and pushing away was sometimes easier than letting in.
Sometimes I want to talk to her about it, ask her what it was like for her, how she felt during all of it. Apologize. Maybe she didn't even notice, maybe she was busy with her own emotions at moving in to a new place, at starting a new chapter of her life.
I got through the haze of everything and started to look back and think about the person I was. Sometimes that's not easy.
But then I drink a cup of DD coffee and I remember the good times, and I miss it all, so much. Moving to NY was one of the best decisions I've ever made and I wouldn't change it, anything about it.
I guess I have to realize that it is more nostalgia than anything. There are always things you can look back on and think, "Those were the good years!" "That was the best time of my life."
And then you have to turn around, and look at what you have now, look at what lies ahead of you. It gives me chills to think of all that is to come in my life, all that is just about to happen, like right there, right now.
And maybe I'll have another cup of DD coffee in a year or so from now and think, "remember when I was just on the edge of all of this and was thinking about my years becoming an adult? Oh shit, I really am one now!"
There's a lot I've been wanting to say lately, or write about. I keep not sitting down and just writing it. I let myself get caught up in other things. There's a lot to get caught up in this life. Last night I went for a run with a friend. Right at the time when we can either turn left and do 4 miles or stay straight and make it 5 we were getting to the meaty stuff, the part of the conversation when we're both going to say some things that will be realizations for us, that will help us grow. So I didn't even ask, I just guided us straight. I figured we'd both need the extra mile to process. And I think we did. It was a good moment. It kind of felt like a Sex and the City moment, when the writing was great and the characters were going through things that you could see yourself going through without the sex, the clothes and maybe generally the life style. I was honest with her and to myself. I realized something, like I thought I would. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: "You know, I really believe you can have it all, you have to be open to it though. You have to be open to letting someone come in to your life and take up a lot of time."
Her: "You're right. You have it all. Look at you, you just transitioned in to a great new job, you've got a great relationship and now you're looking for a house. It kind of makes me want to go puke on the sidewalk!"
We laughed, she was joking, (right!?). But then I realized that thing and so I responded,
"You're right, but I've definitely made some choices in my career to have the relationship be center. I could have my PHR, I could have pushed harder and done more. I could be staying at work until 8 every night working on projects, but I don't."
And then we ran on, and I kind of moved on from it as we chatted about less heavy things. It is true though, I don't throw myself in to work because I would rather throw myself in to my life outside of work. I use my drive and my smarts to get a lot of shit done when I have to be here. I'm lucky that I don't have to stay at work until all hours to get to the place I'm at, however I could be further in my career. I struggle with that sometimes. I sometimes feel like I haven't realized all I can be. But then I have to let it go, because in other areas of my life I'm where I should be , whatever that means, and I've definitely worked hard to get there. To get here. Right where I want to be.
A friend told me that to train herself to get up in the morning and write she just started setting her alarm a little bit earlier everyday. She probably told me this a few months ago. It just sunk in what a brilliant idea it is and exactly what I need to do to start making morning work outs part of my routine. It also donned on me, that she is doing this so she can write in the mornings and I would do it to exercise in the mornings. I guess that's where my priorities lie right now. I enjoy writing, I think I'm good at writing, I go through phases of focused writing. Right now, I'm not placing it in my top priorities. This is way having blogs, yes multiple, is a wonderful thing. I can still keep writing in my life.
Sometimes I feel guilty about my priority list. I shouldn't do that. It isn't worth it. When I'm ready. Life is short, and you should live each day to its fullest, but I also feel that you shouldn't live each day as a test of how much you can do and accomplish to make yourself be the person you think you want to be, or should be, or others want you to be. Living in the present means being present. This is turning in to a post of cliches, so before it does I'll sign off. And go live by going to bed. A girl needs her sleep!
I love being married, I love my husband. I feel like I only write when I'm blue or thoughtful, so here's a random fun post for you!
1. How long have you been married?
1 year and 2 months!
2. How long have you been together?
9 years and 3 months!
3. Where did you go on your first date?
Haha- our first "date" was reading magazines while I was on duty, and then taking a walk to the archery fields- oh camp!
4. Where did you go on your last date?
Hmm- last night we went for a run together, that was nice- I guess our last "date" was Second City on our Anniversary trip to Chicago!
5. What's your anniversary date?
August 31
6. Where were you married?
Squam Lake, NH
7. What was your best/favorite wedding gift and from whom?
Probably from our parents- paying for the greatest wedding ever. My favorite actual gift is this beautiful vase I fell in love with when we opened it- I can't wait to showcase it when we have more room!
8. Where did you honeymoon?
Hawaii
9. What food do you like now because of your spouse?
Beef
10. What type of music do you like now because of your spouse?
He's introduced me to so much great music. Arcade Fire, Joseph Arthur, MGMT, Sigur Ros, so many more- one of the things I really love about being with him his that he loves music and all kinds just like my Dad did- so it is great to keep getting introduced to new and excited stuff.
11. What movie or television program do you like now because of your spouse?
Hmm- probably Curb.
12. Favorite PG thing you like doing together?
Cuddling
13. Last gift you bought your spouse?
Flowers
14. Last gift your spouse bought you?
My lovely anniversary earrings!
15. Favorite things about your spouse?
There are too many to list- but the greatest thing is how he loves me, unconditionally and without reserve.
16. Something you disagree about:
Sports fandom and how angry to get about things you can't change- such as bikers in NYC breaking laws. ;)
17. Book that you both like:
We've never read the same book!
18. Worst shared experience:
My Dad dying
19. Best shared experience.
Our wedding, and being unemployed together. We are so disgustingly happy and in love more than ever.
20. One thing you want to do together in the future.
make babies
I cried during my run this morning.
My route took me through the Mall, and as I entered the shelter of the American Elms I thought of how I exercise, and participate in endurance events for Dad. I do it because he cannot, I do it to honor him and make him proud. I do it for him and I do it for me. I connect with him.
There I was running under these majestic trees, converging of city and nature of hard lines and twisted branches. The tears just came, my heavy breathing and beating feet couldn't hold them back. I felt him, standing at the end of the Mall cheering me on. Every bench I ran by I thought, I could just stop and sit down and cry and then finish my work out. But I pushed on. I fixed my gaze on where he'd stand, right at the end of the row, right under the last canopy of trees. His smiling face, his hands clapping, all for me.
When I turned the corner back on to the East Side drive, I left the magic behind me. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and I looked ahead.
Its real life, this mixing of here and gone, body and soul, reality and magical thinking. It is a part of my real life. And then I got a taste of it even more, the real world, when I was stopped 50 feet later to allow pedestrians to cross in front of me to claim their seats in the Bandshell for Oprah in New York.
It was real life, and real life in the park this morning.
A regular read of mine is Brookem over at Skrinkering Hearts and her post today was not only a great way to push yourself to blog, but a well crafted little essay producer by one her fav blogs. Well enough crafted that I'm taking it and using it!
Here it is- a Fall Meme:
1. It’s not fall in NYC (or your city of origin) until you: don't sweat disgustingly when waiting for the Subway. Seriously, though- I think this applies for most cities in the NE- when you walk outside and feel that crispness in the air, the same crispness you feel biting in to a freshly harvested apple. Mmm I want to go apple picking, it is fall!
2. Kelly Preston’s character in the movie For Love of the Game expresses her need to escape NYC because “Summer’s almost over, and I feel like I missed it.” What do you need to do in the waning days of summer for it to feel complete? This is an interesting one, because I'm not the type that feels I need to soak up a season in order to feel like I haven't missed it. I think the one thing I need to do to feel like a Summer is complete is go to Squam Lake, so done and done.
3. The person I know is wrong for me but about whom I frequently think after a break-up is? I don't really think this question applies to me since I've been with the same person for 9+ years, but in the past I would always think about my longtime school crush- not that he was wrong for me, but he was just someone always in my mind when I wasn't in a relationship. Again, this was 10 years ago...
4. The US Tennis Open, one of four Grand Slam events in that sport, is currently in the quarterfinal round. If you could only attend one major sporting event what would it be? The Superbowl, I love football!
5. Assuming that you write an anonymous or partially anonymous blog, by what non-physically identifying characteristics might you be identified in a bar? Not anonymous at all, but people who read this who don't know me, could probably id me by my personality, I think it comes across very strongly in this blog and how I write.
6. Most blogs cover some sort of niche – personal, political, dating, culinary, etc. What topic, if any, would you like to address on your blog but doesn’t fit into your niche? Ooh, this is a tough one, I guess something that I love to chat about and read about is thoughts/opinions/reactions for TV Shows, good, bad and reality.
7. If you could manipulate the time space continuum and give as many as three pieces of advice to a younger version of yourself, what advice would you give and to what age of you?
14 Year Old Self: This is NOT the most important part of your life, these are not the most important people in your life. Let yourself live these experiences freely, and stop worrying so much about what people think of you and trying too hard. Explore your environment, dig in to what you love no matter what others may think, be yourself and let yourself be without too many external factors altering you.
18 Year Old Self: You're beautiful, young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't sweat the small stuff, and don't let others bring your down
24 Year Old Self: Take it all in now and cherish these moments, shits about to hit the fan. But you'll get through it, remember how strong you are, and come out the better for it.
8. Who among your friends do you really wish had a blog because their stories, or perspective on something ought to be shared? My husband! Do it up Bay!
9. If you were to take an e-cation (vacation from the trappings of our electronic world,) and assuming that employment obligations would allow it, how long of a break could you take? What would you miss the most, the least? This is so hard, I think I could last a couple of months, maybe. I'd really miss the connectedness I feel (maybe I'll be giving my age advice in 10 years saying, get off the internet that's not the most important part of your life!). I'm much more of an email person than a phone person so it is how I communicate with my friends who don't live in NY- I'd miss them! I think I could go a couple of months though, and in fact I think it would be really really good for me.
10. On September 11th of this year, I will be attending a couple of parties and am somewhat conflicted by the fact that this ignoble anniversary shall pass with it being just another day in the eyes of many (and in some ways my own eyes as well.) Thoughts? I can relate to this on the level of what May 7th, the anniversary of my Dad's death means to me, I think some years it won't stand out and some it will extremely, but it is how I choose to honor it that matters. It is hard to not just keep plugging along and look at it as any other day, and in the same respects it is hard to not think about what the day means and how it affects a lot of people. I think you have to approach it and treat it the way that makes the most sense for you, personally. I don't agree with, at this point, things being forced on people. There are some for who this day doesn't have a great impact, and some for who it is the hardest day of their year- it is an extremely personal thing and I don't think anyone should be judged for how they honor it or what it means to them.
11. How high are your walls? Who was the last person to scale them? What tools should would-be climbers have on their belt? I have very low walls, but they aren't always easy to get over. You can see over them, sure, but to get at what is on the other side, not so easy. I don't do any guarding on purpose, it is just who I am. I am a very interesting mix of my parents in that way. I'm an introvert with high extrovert skills- so you know who I am and what I'm about, but to get inside, not always so easy. I've had managers in the past who told me I was an enigma- I think that's a good way to describe my walls. You think you know me and who I am, but then all of a sudden you question it. I don't know why or how I do it though... honestly.
12. The sexiest thing a wo/man can say to you (or has said to you) is? Tell me I'm beautiful.
Sometimes, life gets in the way of writing, but I want writing to be a part of my life. So I'm sitting here with a blank blogger post open and am just going to go for it, no "blog" intent- just the intent to write.
When I was home in June between jobs I made an inspiration board, I cut out pictures and colors and fabrics from design magazines and pinned them together to represent an aesthetic that pleases me and one I'd like to incorporate someday in to my home. I suppose it can also inspire me to write. I can look at it and just feel inspired to create. I should look at it and feel that. That's why I propped it in front of me on my desk. Speaking of desks, I long for a real one, with a real chair. Just sayin'.
I think I took this week off from being driven in my life. I didn't really exercise, I didn't eat that well and I didn't do much outside of work. I was driven at work, for the most part, but looking back it was an off week. And, I'm happy about that. I needed it. Thank God it was paired with a CFW. I really needed this weekend, to rehydrate. I love the summer, I love all the activities and chances to be outdoors and living life to the fullest. However, it is draining in the end. No wonder Fall and Winter come next with the desire to cuddle up indoors with warm mugs in your hands and a long book by your side. We've had our AC on constantly this past week, and I'm sick of the noise. I want to be outside in a corduroy coat with Matt's warm hand in mine as we enjoy the crisp air. I'm ready for a little bit more R&R in my daily life, my day to day. I want to open the window and feel a cool breeze and listen to the wind chimes in the yards behind us. Last Fall I had nothing but time, I came down from the high of the wedding and honeymoon with the chance at a lot of R&R, although it wasn't really relaxing with finding a job stress thrown in. Regardless, this year I need to balance a full summer with a full life and thank God for that, I just need to figure out how.
The light ripples and reflects off the water in a way unlike anything else. It feels clean and inviting against my hot skin. I sit and I watch and I don't need to do anything else. The hum of people present, they join in our vigil of taking in what surrounds us, and they come back year after year to replenish.
I see the Birch Bark Cross that stood next to us as we wed and I feel nostalgic and happy and blessed that it was here.
I lift my arms and pull the water away, feeling strong and ready and warm enveloped by this body.
I pump my legs against petals and pavement and take in the green pastures and tall trees.
I eat the bounty of the season, hand picked from long skinny boats.
I sleep deeply and easily.
I feel replenished and full, and then I drive away and think of my return immediately.
I was thinking about associations lately. How certain things, and smells and feelings will always bring me back to certain places.
Dial liquid orange soap makes me think of Alison & John's house. Of Friday night suppers there, summers spent with neices & nephews, and feeling safe and comfortable in that environment. Butterscotch candies make me think of visiting Bubba & Daddy Ray. Of playing Chinese checkers on a metal board and sharing holidays and family events together. Christmas makes me think of Grandma & Grandpa's house, I can smell the warmth and taste the egg-in-the-hole she'd make. I see her small porcelain tree with little colored lights adorning it sitting in the dining room. When I smell that musty cigarette smell mixed with age I think of Matt's Grandparents apartment. The carpets worn from years of use, the walls and rooms filled with treasures collected throughout a well lived life. It doesn't smell bad to me, it smells like family, memories and time.
When I was growing up my friends and I would talk about what smells we experienced in each other's homes. Emily's Mom's car always had that new car smell that made me feel kind of sick. Sarah's house smelled of middle class cooking and synthetics. The Purinton's house smelled of nature, wood and kids. I never knew what my house smelled like, I lived in it too much, and still do, to notice anything unusual. Someone told me it smelled like peanuts.
I want that now, a place that I create as ours and we fill with who we are. What will be associated with us, and how will it permeate others lives? And what associations am I still to find? Will I look back 10 years from now and smell the inside of a new BMW and be transported back to those many Sunday evenings getting driven back in to the city, to our first home? The one where it all started.
Oh Hi there. I've thought about posting many times these past few weeks. But then those times got full with other things. Like dinners with friends, runs with friends, dinner with in-laws and visiting friends, lunch with friends, more exercise with friends and without. You know, life.
My life has been full lately, and it feels great, but sometimes you just need a break. Which I did at the end of this week, and you know what was great? I had a CFW. I spent it sleeping in, running errands, cooking, laying on the couch and walking around in this gorgeous weather with my gorgeous husband. It was great.
Now I'm in that zone of Sunday afternoon. You know the one. When the weather is nice, and you've spend some time outside and now you're relaxing inside and it feels lazy and great and you don't want it to ever end. That's why I love Sundays. But I also hate them, when 7:00 or 8:00 pm rolls around and the reality of the Weekend being over, and your lazy Sunday afternoon being over sinks in. I don't like that feeling.
What I do like, is my job. A lot. So I'm happy to head in to work on Monday morning with a full plate of things to do that enrich me, teach me and motivate me. That's a feeling I can get used to. At the same time, after reading this weeks Modern Love this morning, I kind of want to retire now too. And then at the same time after seeing UP on Friday night, Matt doesn't ever want to get old. I guess we'll just keep plugging along, lapping up our Sunday afternoons together and see what happens, huh?
