Wednesday, October 14

Running to where I want to be

There's a lot I've been wanting to say lately, or write about. I keep not sitting down and just writing it. I let myself get caught up in other things. There's a lot to get caught up in this life. Last night I went for a run with a friend. Right at the time when we can either turn left and do 4 miles or stay straight and make it 5 we were getting to the meaty stuff, the part of the conversation when we're both going to say some things that will be realizations for us, that will help us grow. So I didn't even ask, I just guided us straight. I figured we'd both need the extra mile to process. And I think we did. It was a good moment. It kind of felt like a Sex and the City moment, when the writing was great and the characters were going through things that you could see yourself going through without the sex, the clothes and maybe generally the life style. I was honest with her and to myself. I realized something, like I thought I would. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "You know, I really believe you can have it all, you have to be open to it though. You have to be open to letting someone come in to your life and take up a lot of time."
Her: "You're right. You have it all. Look at you, you just transitioned in to a great new job, you've got a great relationship and now you're looking for a house. It kind of makes me want to go puke on the sidewalk!"
We laughed, she was joking, (right!?). But then I realized that thing and so I responded,
"You're right, but I've definitely made some choices in my career to have the relationship be center. I could have my PHR, I could have pushed harder and done more. I could be staying at work until 8 every night working on projects, but I don't."
And then we ran on, and I kind of moved on from it as we chatted about less heavy things. It is true though, I don't throw myself in to work because I would rather throw myself in to my life outside of work. I use my drive and my smarts to get a lot of shit done when I have to be here. I'm lucky that I don't have to stay at work until all hours to get to the place I'm at, however I could be further in my career. I struggle with that sometimes. I sometimes feel like I haven't realized all I can be. But then I have to let it go, because in other areas of my life I'm where I should be , whatever that means, and I've definitely worked hard to get there. To get here. Right where I want to be.

1 comment:

jens said...