Sunday, September 30


As I drove into Cambridge on Route 2, I instinctively looked to my right to watch as Boston came in to view. There was something slightly mellow and maybe a bit depressing playing in the car and a heavy sense of nostalgia came over me which was soon followed with layers of sadness and longing.
I miss Boston, I miss the social network I had there, the dailyness of my life, how easy it was to jump in my car and head anywhere. But, I only miss it when I'm there. I'm happy in New York. Very happy. I have new social networks, I have my dailyness and routines and most importantly Matt and I are together, finally.
When I'm in Boston, I think of what I miss, who I miss and what my last year in Boston was like which brings up the feelings of grief.
Matt and I stopped in Boston on the way home for Labor Day weekend and I got a drink with friends, it felt great. We danced to a semi-bad band, we drank good beer and wine and caught up in person. As we left, heading to NH for the weekend I was filled with longing for more. More weekend nights with old friends which always left me feeling fulfilled. As the cab drove us from Brighton to the North End this weekend I found myself in the front seat and as he went through the tunnel in the lane I would drive in every evening on my way home from work to Somerville I flashed to that time in my life, and missed it... not necessarily the job, but
As soon as we got back to NY after Labor Day, I began weekly girls' nights with bad shows and good convo, started class, and kept a full schedule and felt good.
But now again, I'm missing my friends who I spent a weekend with full of fun, food, dancing, drinks and a few tears (a typically bachelorette party weekend I think). I'm missing who I was in Boston, but not unhappy with who I am in NY. It is an odd thing for me to feel and balance, I'm sad in this moment...yet in general really happy. I'm feeling like I'm missing someone or something, or both...and yet I'm totally fulfilled with my life here.
The drive back propelled me into these thoughts...the light filtering through changing colored trees on the Meritt, the cool air, the layering of clouds on bright blue sunny sky. I love fall, but I do find I'm always much more thoughtful in fall...and I suppose dear reader you'll benefit from that.

Wednesday, September 19

Cool Hunting for Fall

So it's been awhile since I wrote about some fun new products/things I've been loving- but it doesn't mean I haven't been finding them here are some of the highlights!

1. Band-aid Blister Block- This stuff is genius. Sure it looks like a mini deodorant stick and when you put it on in public people stare, but it works. I've used it many a time this summer on shoes that usually give me blisters and for the most part I've been blister free! The only time it does not work is if you already have one developing, which is clearly warns you of on the box. Seriously, this stuff was a fantastic find and really does work! Try it!

2. Mr. Clean Wipes- So we all already know what a big fan I am of the Magic Eraser and in the past I tended to lean towards the Clorox Wipes, but I have to admit, I like the Mr. Clean wipes better. They come out of the container much more smoothly, they have ridges for really getting stuff cleaned and just feel a little tougher, how could you not with an image like that on your products!

3. Downy Wrinkle Releaser- Okay, so I haven't actually used this product yet, but I'm so excited to try it. I saw a commercial for it recently and the next day ran to Duane Reade to pick it up, alas they didn't have it! I'm so excited for the next Target trip to pick it up- and if anyone has used it, what do you think??

4. Al Fresco Chicken Sausages- I love these chicken sausages. LOVE. They are quick and easy to cook, taste great and are healthy! An added bonus is that Matt who doesn't like sausages really enjoys the buffalo flavor which makes it even easier for us to have these for dinner at least once a week. YUM.

5. Lilla P Sweater- I recently got (aka stole) one of the new Lilla P sweaters from my Mom and I'm obsessed with it, I think I'd wear it everyday if I could. It is the perfect fall wrap, and honestly the kind of wrap I've been looking for! It is soft, comfortable, breathable and you can wear it a ton of different ways. Best of all, I get complimented on it constantly. I love it. All of their clothes quickly become favorite pieces, honestly.

Tuesday, September 18

Photography 101

I went back to school last night. As I left work, on the way to class, I realized how unprepared I was. I should have brought a backpack, instead I was carrying my purse and a notebook and pen, but maybe that's how its like in school now. As I thought about my lack of preparedness I realize it was because I was a little nervous about doing this and thus I ignored it and did not accurately prepare. Its not like I enrolled in an MBA, or any kind of a program, its a one time thing, a photography class so I can learn more about the technical aspect of taking pictures and become better at something I think I'm already pretty good at.
I left work a little early, anxious about getting there on time, and was there too early. A bunch of us stood around in the hallway leaning against lockers waiting to get into the class room. Finally one guy just pushed the door open and we realized not only was it not locked, there was no one in the room. A typical first night of class move, no one wants to take the initiative in the first place, and as soon as one person is just standing outside the class room everyone will be.
The room was crappy, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I was kind of expecting a more "state of the art" facility. Clean, roomy, white boards, overhead projectors, camera equipment, nice desks. This was the opposite. Tags all over the black board (yes, black board and chalk), tags on the desks, trash from other classes.
The teacher says fuck every other word. And loves that its part of "who he is". He calls himself "a scary guy" I just think he's making up for some lack of self-confidence and its going to get grating to watch him do it for 3 hours every Monday for 10 weeks.
But the teacher knows what the fuck he's talking about and he's good. I'm going to learn a ton...and I don't have to lug my camera with me every night, I just have to make sure I practice when I get home.
When I went to get a water on the break the guy at the bodega gave me eyes. But they have seltzer and I'm probably going to have a secret admirer to deal with every Monday night now cause I'll definitely go back on breaks, you gotta leave on breaks- right?
As I left I passed a ton of Baruch students leaving their night classes, and the 6 train at 23rd street filled with them. It felt kind of cool and new to be part of the group of students getting on the train.
Its fall, I'm back in school and it feels good!

Sunday, September 9

Wednesday, September 5


Wednesday night was much fuller and my memory is such because of it. The house filled up quickly with people wanting to attend the service. I dressed quickly and went downstairs to wait at the table. If I risked laying down I may never want to get up.
My parents dentist was there. Not your typical older man dentist. He was younger and dressed in tight pants and a jean jacket. I knew he had a colostomy bag under it. My parents used to say they could hear it gurgle sometimes when he leaned in close to them. It was really sweet of him to come, he really like my Dad.
He mostly talked with Sammy, but I saw him eye me a couple of times. When he asked me how old I was, I saw his eyes light up a little to learn I was 25. My shirt was kind of tight and I knew he must be eying my chest. It felt kind of good to be looked at with eyes that said, “Nice rack.” Rather than, “That poor child.”
I eyed the door, knowing Helena was coming. I wanted someone other than temple people to be with me. The Rabbi came before she did and it meant the service would begin. We made our way into the living room so we could sit. I made Matt sit with us. I needed him by my side. The service was short and I read along with out thinking. Standing to say the Mourners Kaddish was no different to me in that moment, I always stood, there was always loss to mourn. When I was younger and hadn’t known war yet, it was victims of the holocaust, soon enough it was soldiers in the war, then it was family members, now it was my Dad. I would always be standing for it.
Helena arrived and we sat at the head of the table, her nibbling on a dessert and telling me funny stories of mishaps on dates. One guy had just quizzed her on Hamlet. I wanted to hear about the things happening in her life, not have to remain focused on mine.
The door opened and I looked up to see an old friends Father walk in. He hadn’t changed since I was 18 and getting ready to head off to college, not knowing that the friend and I would hardly talk after then. I got up to greet him.
“Adrienne,” He said hugging me, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was even sick.”
I played the greeting part and shook my head with a crooked frown, “Yeah, it happened really quickly.”
“I was just sitting at the table eating my bean soup and drinking a beer and I saw the announcement in the Suncook Sun and my mouth dropped. I got here as quickly as I could.”
“Thank you,” I responded. I knew he wanted to hear how and what had happened so I told him about the original diagnosis, the reoccurrence, how he had tried to find a way to fight it, how there wasn’t, that we had called in hospice.
“Wow.” Was all he could say.
“My mom is in the other room if you want to say hello.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He was speechless as he turned to go into the living room, “Grace,” I heard him begin.

Black Dress

When she first walked in front of me I thought, "Damn, that girl is fierce." Then I started to look at her more closely and realized how opposite we were. She wore a flowy, but fitted black dress with a leather section on the back. I wore a simple cotton black dress. She was strutting down the pavement in knee high black stiletto boots, I was flopping along in black flip flops. Her head was shaved, my hair is past my shoulder blades. She carried a large designer black leather bag with gold buckles and zippers, I was clutching my small turquoise wallet.
I was really taking this in, thinking how different we were, how funny that she had stepped in front of me to walk down the same block and how immediately I had started to pick up our differences, but it was because of our similarities, both young women in black dresses walking on a cool September morning.
As we neared the coffee shop I was heading to, I thought how cool it would be if she walked in, and then she did and held the door for me.
We both ordered iced coffees. I noticed the tag on the shirt she had under the dress, H&M, the tank top I wore under my dress was H&M too. She got her coffee first and left the chocolate they give you with your order, I did the same. I was still lost in thought before I realized she had already quickly walked out.
As I headed back to the office I thought about how in a city so big and diverse there are still the small things that connect us, and maybe we aren't so different after all.
Although, she put sugar in her coffee, and I never do.