A brief glimpse

My Mom told me I could stand to update my blog more frequently since it is her homepage and all. Hi Mom! Sorry!

So, as a fun way of my updating, here's a slice of my crazy.

I'm kind of wrapped up in my head right now. There is a lot spinning around in it and I'm finding it much easier to just let myself go crazy then actually taking actionable steps to getting to a steady sane place. Go figure!
We're closing a week from tomorrow. Holy Shit! We have a storm of things and people to organize and get ready. You'd think I'd be running around like a chicken with no head, but instead- I'm just freaking out silently and wondering when I'll take action. Why am I not taking action? I kind of know it will all work out in the end, I think that's why. This home ownership business and setting up a house takes time, maybe I'm letting myself digest that and prepare for it. I can't always be rushing rushing to get it all done. I just can't. Maybe I'm not so crazy after all.

Also, I worked my frigging booty off to get us a mortgage and wrap a lot of other stuff up to get to this place, so I've kind of just been taking a break from the stress. But I know it is lurking behind me ready to pounce.
You know what always helps with my crazy? Working out, which is why I get crazy about doing it and have a whole blog dedicated to it. Lately I've been working out a ton, it is helping. Want to read a funny story about working out? Check out the one I just posted on my tri blog: A Story . And, a note just to let you in even more in to my crazy- that picture on my blog header? Makes me anxious every time I see it. Why? Because I'm an anxious person and racing really sets it off. At least I know, right?

Farewell January

I haven't been writing because I want to focus more on writing when I don't feel like whining, or complaining or being sad. I have to say, although this month was filled with much good:

Birthday
Visits from Family
Celebrations with friends
Raise
Bonus

It was also filled with a lot of stress and anxiety. I don't want to rehash it, because I'm trying to focus on the positive and good in my life. A few weeks ago I went to a Friday night Yoga class that focused on physically and mentally opening ourselves up to all the beauty and good in our life and so I've been trying to continue focusing on that. I'm open, I'm ready and the goodness has been coming.
So with this, I say farewell to January - and it can take its below 30 weather with it.

Laugh, it keeps you young

So today I need to talk about my biggest and best belly laugh of the year. Hmmm. I laugh a lot, I love laughing, so it is hard to think back through a whole year (I don't have a great long term memory) and pin point my biggest and best.

There have been a few moments this year when I've laughed so hard I couldn't stop- you know those times- when you do something, or you see something and it hits you and the giggling begins. You chuckle, you may get a little high pitched. Then, it turns, your laughing, full on laughing. Your eyes start to close, your stomach starts to hurt and then the tears come. You're not crying, now way, you're still laughing but it is so hard and for so long that tears form. And you start to gasp for breath and slow down, but then you are reminded of it and start laughing again, harder even. This continues for a typical 5-10 minute stint, sometimes lasting as long as 15 minutes. And it feels so good. For about an hour, to two hours, after you think of the moment and giggle quietly to yourself and you can't stop smiling. I've had two of those moments this year, and they are both due to my Husband. Once, I'll admit, I was laughing at him (he did too) and another time it was fits of laughter together over nothing special, just something funny we shared. Those are definitely some of the best times.

The Power of Positive Thinking

A fun blog I read on the regular is here: Skrinkering Hearts I honestly don't remember how I stumbled across it, but I did about a year ago and have been enjoying it ever since. I'm pretty convinced if we knew each other outside the blog world we'd be friends... and I'd definitely be helping her and her friend Brandy with some scary health situations they're currently experiencing. Please read Brandy's post below and keep her in your thoughts, and if you're the praying type- pray for her and her man. Cancer fucking sucks, and whatever I can do to help others through the scary world it opens up to you, I will, but before we get there, let's all send some positive vibes Brandy's way- she needs them.

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, Google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Because I'm particular

And don't want to flake on this month of blogging, like I did on my cooking blog- I'm catching up (Post today's prompt) on the last few days:

December 14 Rush. When did you get your best rush of the year?

Finishing the 1/2 marathon in November, knowing I had run fast, knowing I had needed the release, knowing all I knew and all I had been carrying from the whole year. That felt damn good and I can't wait to do it again.

December 15 Best packaging. Did your headphones come in a sweet case? See a bottle of tea in another country that stood off the shelves?

I'll be honest, I don't know if I got these in 2008 or 2009, I'm 85% sure it was 2009. I ordered a couple of fun looking rings from this Etsy Seller and her packaging blew me away! I currently have a bunch of my cocktail rings stored in one of the boxes she sent her one ring in. I saw it and thought, this is how it should be done, because I've been heading back for more and more!

December 16 Tea of the year. I can taste my favorite tea right now. What's yours?

Easy- anything Yogi tea. I've been really in to the Slim Life Green tea, it is berry flavored and delicious. I want some right now! How could you not love their little tea tag quotes?

Thankful Month

Daily thanks has been all over Twitter and Facebook lately. I stopped updating my facebook status about 6 or so months ago, so I haven't participated, but I've been thinking about the many things I have to be thankful for, and so here is a list of 22 daily thanks for the month so far. With more to come in the coming days and week.

1. A husband who smiles at me everytime I come home, or when he walks in to a room and I'm there.
2. A family that supports us, loves us and isn't afraid to show it.
3. A boss I can laugh and be silly and snarky with.
4. A good job.
5. My green thumb.
6. Gap Gift Cards to fix a shopping urge on a budget.
7. Clean laundry.
8. Afternoon naps.
9. Days off.
10. Firsts, college basketball and hockey games.
11. Being someones person.
12. Races in Yankee Stadium that leave you feeling high for weeks after.
13. Manicures
14. FRS
15. Football
16. Being able to buy a house that will take us many years in to the future.
17. Chick Lit to read on the train in the morning.
18. Central Park
19. Seeing Matt get to run through Yankee stadium.
20. Flowers from my husband to celebrate my raise.
21. Big beautiful artichokes to make for dinner.
22. Knowing every night when I come home my husband will be there to say hello with a hug and a kiss.

How about you? What are you thankful for this month?

Monday Night at Chez Barnard

Matt puts popcorn in microwave
Me: "You really have to watch it."
Matt: "I know, I'm listening."
Me: "Okay. I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did." The smell of burnt popcorn still weighs heavy in the air.
Matt: "Yeah, but you made it on the stove top, right?"
Me: "No!"
Matt:"You didn't?"
Me: laughing, "No!"
Matt: "But, you like to make popcorn on the stove top."
Me: "Yes, but not when it is microwave popcorn!"
The smell of burnt popcorn is overcome by the peals of laugther
Matt: "Okay, okay, watch me get burned for never making food as a child."
Moments later
Me: "You're filling another glass? You just used a glass for dinner!"
Matt: "I know, but I just put it in the dishwasher."
Me: "This is why we have to run the dishwasher so often!"
Matt: "You're right, I know. If you want to be more concious of this, we can be more concious of it. I'm on board."
Walks to the sink to fill the brita.
Me: "The popcorn! It's burning!"

Wedding Survey

I love being married, I love my husband. I feel like I only write when I'm blue or thoughtful, so here's a random fun post for you!

1. How long have you been married?
1 year and 2 months!

2. How long have you been together?
9 years and 3 months!

3. Where did you go on your first date?
Haha- our first "date" was reading magazines while I was on duty, and then taking a walk to the archery fields- oh camp!

4. Where did you go on your last date?
Hmm- last night we went for a run together, that was nice- I guess our last "date" was Second City on our Anniversary trip to Chicago!

5. What's your anniversary date?
August 31

6. Where were you married?
Squam Lake, NH

7. What was your best/favorite wedding gift and from whom?
Probably from our parents- paying for the greatest wedding ever. My favorite actual gift is this beautiful vase I fell in love with when we opened it- I can't wait to showcase it when we have more room!

8. Where did you honeymoon?
Hawaii

9. What food do you like now because of your spouse?
Beef

10. What type of music do you like now because of your spouse?
He's introduced me to so much great music. Arcade Fire, Joseph Arthur, MGMT, Sigur Ros, so many more- one of the things I really love about being with him his that he loves music and all kinds just like my Dad did- so it is great to keep getting introduced to new and excited stuff.

11. What movie or television program do you like now because of your spouse?
Hmm- probably Curb.

12. Favorite PG thing you like doing together?
Cuddling

13. Last gift you bought your spouse?
Flowers

14. Last gift your spouse bought you?
My lovely anniversary earrings!

15. Favorite things about your spouse?
There are too many to list- but the greatest thing is how he loves me, unconditionally and without reserve.

16. Something you disagree about:
Sports fandom and how angry to get about things you can't change- such as bikers in NYC breaking laws. ;)

17. Book that you both like:
We've never read the same book!

18. Worst shared experience:
My Dad dying

19. Best shared experience.
Our wedding, and being unemployed together. We are so disgustingly happy and in love more than ever.

20. One thing you want to do together in the future.
make babies

Sunday Afternoon

Oh Hi there. I've thought about posting many times these past few weeks. But then those times got full with other things. Like dinners with friends, runs with friends, dinner with in-laws and visiting friends, lunch with friends, more exercise with friends and without. You know, life.
My life has been full lately, and it feels great, but sometimes you just need a break. Which I did at the end of this week, and you know what was great? I had a CFW. I spent it sleeping in, running errands, cooking, laying on the couch and walking around in this gorgeous weather with my gorgeous husband. It was great.
Now I'm in that zone of Sunday afternoon. You know the one. When the weather is nice, and you've spend some time outside and now you're relaxing inside and it feels lazy and great and you don't want it to ever end. That's why I love Sundays. But I also hate them, when 7:00 or 8:00 pm rolls around and the reality of the Weekend being over, and your lazy Sunday afternoon being over sinks in. I don't like that feeling.
What I do like, is my job. A lot. So I'm happy to head in to work on Monday morning with a full plate of things to do that enrich me, teach me and motivate me. That's a feeling I can get used to. At the same time, after reading this weeks Modern Love this morning, I kind of want to retire now too. And then at the same time after seeing UP on Friday night, Matt doesn't ever want to get old. I guess we'll just keep plugging along, lapping up our Sunday afternoons together and see what happens, huh?

Early Morning Thoughts

I used to wake up with 15 minutes to get ready. I'd roll out of bed, after hitting the snooze 2 or 3 times, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and go.
Now, I give myself at least an hour to get ready, sometimes only a 1/2 hour. I like to let myself slowly wake up, slowly come to terms with the day, the moments, the time I'm in.
I drink my glass of FRS, I check my email, I look at my Google Reader, I pick out my clothes, you get the idea.
It kind of feels more grown up this way. I like the feeling of being up early in the morning, it makes me feel more productive, knowing how many hours I've put towards the day.
At some point this may get even earlier, when I have a longer commute and when there are children in my life who insist on early mornings. So right now, I'll cherish that I can sleep till 7:30 and I won't think too much about the days when I used to get up at 9 and get to work by 10.

Juicy Keys

I'm going to my first writing workshop next Saturday. It is being run by the author SARK. I am a fan of SARK and her work, I was a huge fan in college and probably read Eat Mangos Naked several times in those years. I heard of the workshop through my dear friend Kate and decided to take the plunge and sign up. I love to write, but I don't make time for it in my life and I don't push myself to do more with it. That's what the workshop is all about.
We have to read SARK's newsest book Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper to prepare for the class. I'm so glad. This book is inspiring. I've gotten to the section with exercises and I can't wait to make some time and do them. I've been writing in my journal more as I read the book, and look here I am blogging too!
Being inspired is a great feeling, especially when you feel like it is a level of inspiration you can maintain. I have the time to do this, I have the time to write and read and blog and journal. I'm capturing that time and using it again. It feels good!

Beautiful Life

I try to drink a cup of Slim Life Green Tea every morning. It tastes good, and I like what green tea does for me. I look forward to the little quotes that Yogi Teas put on their tabs at the end of the tea bag.
This morning it read, "The beauty of life is to experience yourself."
Something I've struggled with in the past few years is feeling balanced, grounded and present in the moment. I haven't been experiencing myself, who I am in the everyday. Well, I take that back, because I feel as though over the last 6 months I have been centering myself in who I am and where I am. Being unemployed, and having a lot of time on yours hands, after a major life event helps ground you. I took the time, while looking for a job, to enjoy myself. I took walks in the park, I spent time with friends, I spent time with my new husband. We let ourselves get wrapped up in each other and in who we were and where we were going.
So, back to the present moment. I read the tag this morning and thought, “Yeah, that is the beauty of life.” To know who you are, to be confident and assured in yourself. To let yourself be true to your nature and your nurture.
I will be honest in this exploration and say that in the past month Yoga has helped me become more grounded in myself. I leave a class refreshed and calmed, walking higher and slower. That is good for me, I need that. The part of my nature that dominates is moving fast, and I don't want to move so fast that I'm not experiencing myself and what is beautiful in that.
I know there is a piece of me that is calm, a piece of me that can sit in a moment and take it in piece by piece and savor it and revel in the quietness and enjoyment. I want to balance that with my fast talking, fast walking, get it all done now side. Part of the reason Matt is the perfect husband for me is that he nurtures that piece of me, encourages me, pushes me, helps me slow down.
Right now I feel more grounded in moments than I have in some time, and what amazes me is there are so many things I want, so many more pieces of my life I want to build and put in to place- but I'm not allowing that planning to pull me out of these moments, I'm not living in the future as I used to. I know they will happen, I know I will get there. I also now that life is beautiful, especially when I slow down and experience myself.

Focus!

I can't focus. I stare at the screen and can't pick one thing to do. I'm a little jumpy. Maybe it is that I haven't had a good hard workout in a few days, maybe it is feeling like I need a real day off. Who knows. What I do know is that I can't focus.
I have something to work on that I enjoy, that is very HRey and yet I still can't even focus on that! I want to putter around the internets and kill time. I want to go walk around SoHo and spend money I don't have. Actually, I don't want to do that, but in the past I would!
I want something delicious to drink, and something crunchy to munch on. I want to be working closer to him so my commute isn't so long.
I want to not be working at all, or working for myself.
I want it to be Spring and for my ears to not still be thawing after the walk to work.
Yeah, maybe that is what this all comes down to. I'm going stir crazy because my body is ready for it to be Spring, and that weather out there is NOT Spring weather.
I wish I could say I feel better. But I don't. I'm going to go walk around the office with purpose so it looks like I have something to do, but really it is just an excuse to get up from my unfocused desk.

$9 bottle of wine

TGIF.
I've always had good luck on Friday the 13th. Today wasn't one of those days. I think I need to chalk it up to not letting myself just float through the moments, not letting myself sit back and let things unfold. Letting myself feel to much emotion for inconsequential things, letting myself hold on to things too closely and too harshly.
I came home with a $9 bottle of wine from Best Cellars. It was delicious and light and just what I needed. A quick shot to the head of wine. Perfect.
I came home to a husband who always calms me, relaxes me, helps me melt the day away... just with his presence.
I came home and immediately felt better.
I drew in my journal- mostly just lines and symbols. It helped.
I signed up for indeed.com alerts. That helped too.
I may be being reactive, but maybe doing it now is actually proactive. I think my fear stems from someone else being reactive, but better for me to stay out ahead of it, right? Even if it is just nonsense. Sorry to be vague, I just don't want to get in to that stuff here, and it is nothing serious- so don't worry.
I have a cup of tea brewing in front of me. Yogi bedtime calm. It tells me, "By honoring your words, you are honored." So, here I am using my honored words to honor myself.
I will have a lovely and relaxing weekend, that will be honoring myself.
TGIF

Personal Day

So I'm in NH today to attend an awards ceremony where my Mom is one of 6 women to receive an Outstanding Business Woman of the Year award, very exciting.
Matt and I drove up last night after work, boy it is a lot easier driving North on a Tuesday night, there was no traffic.
This morning I woke up early to surprise my Mom, it was great.
So today is a personal day for me. Before I left yesterday I told my boss I'd check my email once or twice and she said, "No! Take the day." So I'm taking the day.
I read the paper this morning, well really I read Sunday's comics and did the world jumble. Then I ate some hearty oatmeal and went out for a lovely ski. Pictures and Video to follow tomorrow.
It is a beautiful winter day in NH. While I'm sad I didn't get to enjoy the snow covered City last night, I'm not missing slushing around in the remains today.
I think I'll have a cup of tea and keep enjoying my day.

Cop out, but I love lists!

Well, I don't have a blog really formed to write. I usually have something in my head when I sign in to blogger to post. But I was already logged out of my new email address so I figured it was easier to just log in to Blogger and post something. So, I'll take the easy way out and run off my thoughts list style. I love me some listing!

- I'm thinking more and more about moving this blog to wordpress, things are so much nicer over there, but the hassle of moving the blog would be a lot and I don't know if I can just pick up and leave all these posts behind...I've gone through a lot on this old blogger platform.

- Work is still crazy, although today wasn't as bad, thank God- I really tried hard to not let it be.

- I kicked ass in the 4 mile race I did on Sunday, and I'm so pumped about it because I had a stomach flu last week and didn't work out all week! However, after the race I cooked for a couple of hours, reorganized and cleaned our bedroom for our new dresser and then walked around a bunch and now my legs are tired!

- Speaking of our new dresser, I'm so pumped about it. We got this one from Ikea (splurged for the real wood!) and I'm so happy with it, it is so much more space, like I can't believe how much more space and the really great thing is I don't even want to go buy more clothes to fill the space, and I actually am getting rid of multiple pairs of shoes. It feels so good! (Truthfully for me getting rid of things always feels good, it is just that I usually quickly replace the things with new items). In addition, I went to Anthropologie today and bought new knobs for the dresser that were a steal on sale and look great, much better than the handles it came with. It really is making me feel better and better about staying here another year.

- I can't believe how warm it was these past two days, it makes me yearn so much for Spring. Tease.

- I just found out a friend is pregnant with her 3 child and I'm so darn excited for her, and for myself to get to watch her go through the pregnancy and then get to experience, for the 2nd time, watching her raise him or her. It has been such a pleasure getting to see it happen with her youngest.

Okay, that's about it for now. I have a post forming of my 10 favorite things that begin with K- thanks to Brooke S at Shrinkering Hearts so be on the look out!

Whack Job

This week has been crazy, crazy, crazy. So many things going on at work all of a sudden. I went through my days with Matt as we ran the East Side Drive of Central Park this evening, yay for warmish winter evenings. When I finally finished at about mile 1.8 I asked what he thought. I think some of his huffing and puffing was thinking about all I had done today. He agreed that it is crazy the amount of stuff I have to do in a day, and not just that but do at once.
I was on a training call for 1.5 hours today with the line muted. This meant I could be returning emails, answering employee questions as they popped in and answering my temps questions as she did things for me. And, it wasn't that I was ignoring the training to get this done, I took the training in completely and actually am excited to get to utilize what I learned.
It is like I'm a professional mini fire fighter, or maybe more like a professional whack a mole player, not like your basic every day Joe or Jane who gets the high score at the arcade, I mean pro level, tournament winning, money making, endorsement grabbing whack a moler.
Whacking moles, left and right, hitting them before they even think to pop up. It is true, I try to be very proactive in my work.
In any event- so that's what I do everyday. And just for kicks- here's a couple of pictures Libby snapped at one of our pre-wedding festivities this summer of me playing a came similar to Whack a Mole- just for the sack of furthering the metaphor.

Quiet

It was quiet in the house the evening. I stood on the heating grate and let the warm air fill up the legs of my pants.
I looked around the darkening kitchen and almost said out loud, "You would have liked this, the house being so quiet."

Belly Aches and Groans

I just put on a big cozy sweatshirt. I love that feeling. You put it over your head and instantly you are warmer, more comfortable, even happier.
I'm feeling off. This morning my stomach was a mess, I ate some oatmeal and felt a little better.
Then my face started burning up, I was getting flush over and over again. If I had had a thermometer I would have taken my temperature.
I left at lunch time and came home to a warm bed with Matt already in it, his stomach feeling off too. But there was more, is that a cold I feel coming?
It is like old times, we decided, us being home together during a work day.
I stirred an hour in, at 3:30ish (I'm guessing) and the sky was still light, so I decided I could sleep for longer, finally getting up at 5:00. If I can fall asleep easily tonight we'll know that my body really is fighting something.
My stomach still feels off, and I'm trying to kick a head cold out with airborne and it tastes disgusting which doesn't help my stomach.
I'm boiling water for pasta, my cure when my belly aches.
I'll make some tea and then feel really cozy.
The Winter aches and pains. It really does feel like Winter out there now.

Resolutions

Check out my 2009 resolution: Cooking