Turkey Day

Today was a Thanksgiving that started a new tradition, the every other tradition. Prior to today it was a little difficult for me to handle. I wanted to be home, helping my Mom get ready, setting the table, decorating the table, baking a cake, making appetizers, canapes and mashed potatoes.
But I let the day be what it was going to be, I went with the flow, I lived in the moment. Not surprisingly it was a lovely day. I had the morning to myself so I could work out, get my nails done and make an appetizer. I also got to spend the day with the lovely people who are part of my new family. I ate delicious food, drank some good wine and played with adorable kids.
Now I get to go to NH, eat leftovers and see my whole family. All in all it is not such a bad deal. I guess it is the whole tradition of the thing I miss, the actually being there and being a part of creating the whole meal.
To be honest, after the meal is served I am always a little bit disappointed that my fun is over. Sure I like eating, but for me its not as much fun as the prepping and the planning for the eating.

So enough blah blah. On to what I'm thankful for. Since I don't want to ramble I'll stick to 10 things about my 2008, in no particular order.

Getting married
Obama being elected
Blogging/Twittering/Facebook because they keep me occupied daily
Wii
Race Training and doing my first 1/2 marathon and triathlon
My family & friends, always- because we keep evolving and growing together
Crockpots and Stand Mixers and other kitchen gadgets
Bravo Reality TV
Exploring more of my neighborhood and surroundings
G-Chat

50/50

Yikes. These past two days, oy.

Sunday night I realized that I'd misplaced a letter from the DOL about a mandatory appointment I had to show up for on Monday. I remembered it was at 2:30 and after doing some investigation I figured it was probably at the Harlem office. So- Monday after not getting anyone on the phone (no surprise there) I made my way up to 125th St. via the Bus.

Now this was only the 2nd time I'd taken the bus to get somewhere in Manhattan that I couldn't get to by train. The first time was so easy and the ride went very smoothly. This time was a little different. The way there was fine, very friendly drivers who said hello and goodbye when changing shifts. I got to the DOL and found out I had gone to the wrong office (50-50 chance, I should have none then my luck was turning). So I had to turn around and come back in the morning.
The way back on the bus was a bit different. I sat down towards the front again and we were soon stopped by a young man who didn't have change for his dollar. One woman was quickly annoyed by this. She went on, and on, and on about how "you don't get on the bus if you don't have change." She added, "You can NOT get on the bus and ask for change, that is not allowed." And finished off with a long tirade about how the young man had walked all the way to the bus and didn't stop to get change. My fellow front of the bus passengers and I exchanged knowing smiles and hidden laughs.
Then we ran in to trouble. We stopped at 99th and Lexington and the driver complained to a dispatcher that he hadn't been relieved. And then we sat. And sat. And sat. Finally another 101 pulled up and we all climbed on. Yikes.
So today I headed out to catch another bus uptown. When we stopped this time for the driver switch the man got on with two basketballs. He slowly clamored around at the front of the bus and then held up a basketball and asked who wanted it. After a lot of confusion and several minutes a woman pushed her way up and grabbed the ball claiming, "You all were too slow it is mine" just as a young kid reached for it. The driver then told another woman who had shown interest that he would wait for her if she wanted to go out and get one at the park by the bus stop. I was flabbergasted. Seriously?
Luckily I made it on time and got to sit through my riveting introduction to Workforce 1. After about 20 minutes of waiting I was called and got to sit and watch a woman input my information into a database. Thrilling. Thankfully I'll have no hold up in my benefits. Very thankfully since I got a call tonight letting me know that the position I was surely getting and had put everything else on hold for 3 weeks for wouldn't work out. This is the second time in this job hunt that a department wanted me and couldn't bring me on. This sucks. I should have known when I picked the wrong DOL location that my 50/50 luck wasn't working this week.
Now on to Thanksgiving where I get to smile and shrug as relatives offer me condolences and advice.
Remember that Friends where Joey has the turkey stuck on his head? I wouldn't mind if that were me this year. At least it would give people something other than our job hunts to talk about.

Saturday Morning

Waking up in a warm bed, dapples of sunlight spilling in on the edges of the shade
Reaching out to touch the warm body in bed next to me, the Man I'm so happy to wake up next to every morning
Stepping out in to the cold air to enjoy a lovely Saturday morning brunch
Picking up our Saturday Times on the way home
Cleaning up the bed, pulling up the shade, letting the warm sun in
Catching up on news and events, listening in to the neighbor practicing electric guitar

Everyday could be a Saturday morning to me. But only today could feel like this.

What do I do?

I've been trying to blog daily, that clearly isn't happening. I think I put too much pressure on myself to really write something, and it doesn't have to be that, right?

My days are filled with a lot of nothing lately, which makes writing something even easier, and yet harder.

Here's a typical day:

9:00-9:30 wake up, check email, check google reader, check facebook,
10:00-11:00 watch Ellen, eat breakfast
11:00- TBD recheck reader, email and facebook a lot, talk to Jen on gchat, wish I had something to do, apply to jobs maybe twice a week since there are NONE
1:00 eat lunch
4/5/6- work out
7:00 make dinner (at least I'm cooking more now that I'm back at Weight Watchers and have time to do it)
8:00-11:00 watch TV

I think my brain is atrophying. Luckily Saturday and Sunday mornings are usually spent reading the Times.

I know most of you 9-5ers are reading this and thinking, that is my dream day! And it is my dream day too, just not after a good month and 1/2 doing it everyday. You don't miss your water...

I once had a hope that I'd have a job by November 1st. I'm just hoping I know about the job on my radar by December 1st.

Okay- to end this on a fun note. Here's what I'm watching and loving lately:

Ellen (seriously, she's funny!)
House Hunters (always)
Tim Gunn's Guide to Style (it makes me think more about what I wear)
Top Chef (so fun that they are in NYC!)
Gossip Girl (how could you not enjoy this guilty, guilty pleasure!)
ABC Sunday Nights (They make for great watching on Monday mornings when I'm thinking, shit another week of nothing)
And secretly, I feel really bad about this, but I'm loving the Pick Up Artist on VH-1. These geeky, awkward, shy, inexperienced, lost cause, men just pull at your heart strings.

Back to the couch!

I'm it!

My friend Leila over at Mainley Mama tagged me yesterday- so here is my response!

I need to tell you 6 random things about myself...

1. I'm really bad at remembering Birthday's, even my Mom's birthday. But there are some random ones I never forget it, including Leila's!

2. I'm pretty invested in The Pick Up Artist- I was so proud of them this week when they had to meet a girl and make out with her, and then all did it! I'm a little too proud of these dorks becoming pick up artists!

3. Now that I'm married, I can't kill bugs anymore- I always call Matt to do it.

4. I have a very green thumb, but I can't keep orchids alive.

5. My feet are always cold, except when I can't fall asleep and they get hot and itchy.

6. I'm really good at purging and cleaning, but there are some random things I will always hang on to, like my graduation tassels, my first 1/2 marathon finisher medal and a wood chip that Matt gave me with a special little message on it about 6 years ago.

Sleepy

I'm sleepy today. I slept fine, and got up when I usually do, but somehow without even being at work I'm feeling like I used to on Mondays.
I wish I was laying here on a lazy day instead of on my couch watching Deal or no Deal, which just makes me feel like being even more lazy.

Surviving

It is tough out there. The job postings are fewer and much further between. I'm not getting weekly calls from recruiters. I haven't been on an interview in a month. The company I was laid off from, just decreased the size again by 60 more people. Part of me is thankful I was in the first wave of people. I've had a leg up on the market, and I didn't have to be a part of a company that was continuing to circle the drain. I never had to have survivors guilt, I got to just leave and enjoy a lot of my time off.
I am curious about the people who were let go with an interesting level of fascination. Part of me is happy they know what it feels like now. I want to know all the details because I still feel a piece of myself is involved, and because I want to be. Don't forget about us, the people who left 3 months ago! Another part of me feels really badly for them, and wants to give me them all the nitty gritty details of what its like and what to expect. It is like I'm the survivor now. Because I have survived, I will survive.
Oy- I just heard the NFL pregame show hosts talk about a little boy diagnosed with Leukemia 2 weeks ago who was given 2 weeks to live and his dying wish was to feed the homeless so the Seattle Seahawks have gotten behind him to help. That certainly puts things in perspective.

And who am I?

Sorry, but I had to use the Gossip Girl reference for this post, I love it!

I just got off the phone with a psychologist. He gave me my test results for the personality and cognitive testing I did for a job. Most of what he told me wasn't a surprise, I know myself pretty well and thanks to good performance evaluation systems in my last two jobs I know my work self pretty well too.

What spoke to me most was that typically people in my age group have a below average interest in leadership and I have an average interest, something that will serve me well in my career goals. The Dr. used the example that he sees a lot of people my age put in leadership positions they have no interest in. I realized that it does happen more than it probably should and usually in the financial/banking sector. Kids right out of school jump in to specialized jobs and they keep getting bumped up the ladder because they work hard and do well, but then they get to be in leadership jobs at the age of 25 and really just want to be working and playing, not leading. Many of those "kids" are probably out of work now, and they will be lucky to find a job that will pay as much as they made as "leaders", although they'll probably end up finding themselves getting employed at the level they should be, and want to be, at. Nature really does have a way of working these things out.

It was good to hear that the skills I believe I have, and the work I've put in to developing and growing myself in my professional life shows up in testing. It encouraged me that I am a great candidate and whatever job I end up getting I'm going to rock at it and the company that hires me is going to high five and slap itself on the back for snagging me.
It also really got me even more encouraged and ready to be working again. Talking about how I like to build work relationships, how I am insightful and a good coach, that I have leadership interest and aspirations and that my high energy levels allow me to work hard in active environments made me want to put it all back to good use again.
It also speaks to the skills I'd like to put to use sometime outside of the job market. I have many dreams of starting my own business, in different areas, and all of the strengths we spoke about would serve me well there too. If it was a different economy and I lived in a different market I'd like to think I'd do it, bite the bullet and take the plunge, to overuse some cliches. Instead I'm just hoping that what the Dr. reports to my potential new employer will be enough for them to take the plunge and hire me.

Fall in Central Park

Fall in Central Park, originally uploaded by adkcub.

Running, Testing and being Sick

I've been trying to post daily lately, and feel bad that the last few days have been lacking.
A quick synopsis since I should go back to laying on the couch trying to get better but instead getting restless and doing things like cleaning the shower.

I've been eating a lot of cupcakes lately, it needs to stop
I ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 3 minutes- and now I'm sore. It was a race, not a leisure run!
I got sick basically immediately after finishing the race, guess my body wants me to slow down
I love soup when I'm sick, and dipping bread in the soup- yum I need lunch.
I have been taking a bunch of tests, personality and otherwise over the last 3 days for a potential job- they are HARD! I sit at the computer staring and thinking I'm stupid and what if I ruin my chances and thus psych myself out. Maybe that's why I'm bad at standardized tests. They are mostly personality based so hopefully it tells them that I will be a super star employee. I talk with a psychologists tomorrow about my results.
I love cats, I do, and although I would never ever want one given what they do to my husband, I still am sad that I don't have one to cuddle up with in bed/on the couch right now.
Seriously, as I was typing this Matt was hissing at the cat who sometimes is on our fire escape(We think he lives next door).
I really want a job before thanksgiving.

What I'm Not

I'm not a person who can sit still for very long, and I'm not someone who can just go and go and go without breaks. I'm also not someone who can just sleep a day away, I feel lazy and gross. I'm not someone who can ignore dirt, or mess or things that are out of order. I'm not going to pretend that any of that doesn't make me a little crazy.

I'm not a coffee drinker, I used to be, but I gave it up and it kind of feels good in a self righteous way. I'm not that in to soda, but sometimes I just need a good crisp sweet refreshing sip to get me through. I'm not a meat eater, most of the time. I'm not my best when I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. I'm not one of those freaks who doesn't like water- how could you not like water??

I'm not a lonely person, because I make sure to surround myself with people I care about, but it doesn't mean I don't get lonely. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but sometimes I still get anxious about new places and new people. I'm not a camp geek, but I attribute who I am today to going to camp.

I'm not hard to know, or hard to get to know or hard to be around (at least I don't think so..). I'm not someone who will hide herself or who she is. I'm not going to sugar coat things for you. I'm not who my friends go to when they don't want to hear the truth. I'm not the girl who has a million friends she kind of knows and keeps in touch with, that's too much work.

I'm not into scary movies, or period pieces (especially war movies). I'm not ashamed to say that mostly I like chick flicks and silly comedies. I'm not that proud of my intolerance for "good" movies, maybe I need to push myself a bit more on that front. I'm not going to deny that I watch a lot of TV, and honestly I'm not that ashamed of it. I'm not sure why I haven't spent more rainy afternoons in bed reading a good book, especially now that I have some time.

I'm not sure how to end this list, so I'll just stop here.

Thanks to brookem for this great blog idea- I hope she doesn't mind that I'm stealing it!

The Election and Me

Standing in line today to vote I was reminded of voting in NH, where every time I voted I had to stand in line, it was always exciting, and today has been very exciting. After I pulled the big red lever I stood outside the booth waiting for Matt and was giddy. I got that feeling in my back of my throat that makes you want to jump up and yell excitedly. Instead I ate a cupcake.
The day went by so slowly, all I wanted was to do what I'm doing now, sit on the couch watching CNN and getting more and more excited. I was anxious at the beginning, you never know what can happen until it does.
Now I'm feeling optimistic and I am starting to take in what this will mean, on so many levels.
Maybe part of me has been waiting for this election to come to feel like change is coming on large and small scales. The last week or so I've been quietly sitting back and waiting for things to happen in my life, sure I've been actively working to make things happen, but there is only so much I can do. Much like watching this election unfold, making sure I vote and urging others to do so but mostly waiting and watching to see what will happen.
In the next few weeks our country is going to start to shift and change as we usher in a new, hopefully monumental, president. Here's hoping something similar happens in my life over the next few weeks, I want shifts, I want changes and I'll even take some that are monumental.

On Weddings

We went to our first wedding as a married couple today. I've found since getting back from the honeymoon that I want to do it all again, the planning, the preparing, the ceremony, the celebrations, everything. I had so much fun, got such a high from it all that it is hard to come down. Not having a job to occupy me during these past months has only intensified my wish to do it all again.
So being at a wedding, the first since my own, left me comparing a lot. It was frustrating. The wedding was so different than our own that comparisons either left me feeling judgmental (Oh I'm so glad we didn't have that) or jealous (Wow, there are so many gorgeous flowers).
When I finally convinced myself to stop doing it, I had fun dancing with my husband, ate some good food, and took in the wedding and celebration as a guest enjoying it. Am I jealous that they're going to Hawaii tomorrow? Hell yes. But I left remembering how great our wedding was for us, and that's what matters.

Happy Halloween

Much like last year we took the opportunity to see Ryan Adams on Halloween. Unlike last year he played in a venue with ticketed seats, a joy for me.
He started the show with songs from his new album, many of them softer and slower, but sweet and easy to listen to. I found myself just zoning out in the music, perking up when I recognized a song, but generally letting myself get lost in the moments of playing through songs. I was thinking of other things, but not in an anxious run of brain way, just thoughtful. As the set came to a close and we headed for the bathrooms Matt and I both commented on how easy it was to just sit and listen to him. The second set was rocking, he played song after song with no breaks in between and really put everything he had into the songs. I perked up and focused on the words, the songs, their meanings.
Leaving the venue I thought back to the year prior. I had a job, I was planning my wedding, and things were going the way I wanted. However, the concert made me miserable and I think in general I was unhappy in my own skin. This year, I don't have a job, the economy is in shambles which doesn't help me find a job, and I don't get to be planning my wedding anymore (sadly for me since I enjoyed it so much). However, despite that all I'm really happy, and the concert was great.
Maybe it says something about being able to enjoy these moments when you are enjoying yourself. Or more simply it is because I didn't have to deal with annoying people being in my way of the show and having to be on my feet for 3 hours.
Either way, it was a kick ass show.