Sunday, March 18

A Week

How long is a week, really? You always hear people saying things like,

"This week is flying by!"

"I feel like this week has lasted forever!"

"Is this week over yet?"

"I've been one day ahead all week!"

And what makes them short, long, fast forwarded, put in slow mo? Sometimes having something in the middle of the week you're looking forward to makes it go by quickly for me. I usually have plans on Thursday nights, and some weeks the week will fly to Thursday. I also find that when I have a weekend of no plans, the week is all of a sudden over and I'm left to think, "hmm what am I going to do?" But then there will be average, basic, plain weeks that fly and crawl, sometimes at the same time. So is there any predicting if a week will be over before you know it?

I ask because I'm curious how this upcoming week will be. A week that ends in a drive to NYC where I'll be staying for more than a weekend visit.

I've been telling people, "This week is going to fly by." But what if it doesn't. What if I don't want it to. Can I stop it? I've been pretty bad at living in the moment lately, maybe this week I need to put in an effort to do that. Maybe because I'm so looking forward to Saturday, but so wanting to get in all I need to before I leave, time with friends, packing, breathing, the week will go at just the right speed and I'll be satisfied with all I've done and Saturday will get here just fast enough.

I guess I have to wait a week and see.

Thursday, March 15


There's dust everywhere. Everything I move as I pack yields dust. My nose is running and I'm coughing and sneezing. Sick of the dust.

I want clean, I want new, I want to unpack and set up my things in new ways, in our new place. I want the boxes moved so I clean here too. My life is changing, things are happening, its time to clean the dust left behind, the 2 years of living here, what's been collecting under couches and behind bookshelves.

I've got the good stuff, its not dust. I've got memories, and images of what the apartment was like, how I lived in it, the good times spent it, everything it was for me and how it helped carry me through the last two years. I won't vacuum those up. That's why I'm ready, why I'm yearning to clean. Its the other stuff, the crumbs, the unused spaces, that can be swept up.

I'll want to clean the new place too, make sure as we unpack its our dust that will start to collect. To be swept again when we move on, which we will, but it will be together and we'll be different, but it will be good. So good. And I won't sneeze.

Sunday, March 11


I haven't done a very good job of living in the moment lately. Something I was told this summer, from people, books, etc was to live each day to its fullest. Live in each moment, don't try to take anything too quickly or rush through how I was feeling, just live, in each moment.

I haven't been doing that lately. I was standing at the kitchen counter, putting my lunch together for work and thinking, "Is it Friday yet? Is this week over yet?" And then in the car, driving home, later in the day, I thought, "I haven't been doing a good job of living in the moment." I've got one date locked in my head, March 24th. Its when I move to NYC, its when I will start to slow down again and be moment to moment. Now I'm just Friday to Friday, or lease signing day to move in day.

Sure, I'm skipping over moments that matter, but I'm also slowing down and really living in moments that matter too. Like sitting at the bar at the Legal's in the Charles Sq. laughing with Sara and Ashley. Knowing I'll miss these moments when I'm 4 hours away, knowing I should enjoy this time, and I did, I fully lived it, forgot what time it was, forgot that Matt was driving to Somerville as I enjoyed it, forgot what I was looking forward to, for that moment.

Maybe because I know I'm flying through the day to day right now, its okay, maybe I am taking in what matters as I push through, my mind, eyes, body fixed on moving to NY to be with Matt, no end date in sight. Maybe I should focus on what this moment means, Matt's here now, who cares that we'll be together permanently in two weeks, I should spend this moment with him.