Hassle Me

So probably a year ago now I signed up for the Hassle Me service. I probably heard about through Daily Candy if I had to guess. I wasn't going to the gym as often as I wanted, I wasn't drinking as much water as I desired and I hoped to be writing more than I was. So- I signed up for a daily hassle to my work inbox telling me to drink more water and go to the gym. It actually worked pretty well, and then I started Triathalon training and Weight Watchers at Work and those both accomplished getting me to the gym and drinking more water.
The "write more" hassle arrived in my personal inbox roughly every 6 days. At the beginning it motivated me to write, I'd leave it sitting in my gmail until I wrote, my anal nature around inbox emptiness helped. Soon though, I just started deleting them. I made up excuses as to why I couldn't meet the demands of the hassles. Mostly it was because I wanted to respond to it with was a day or afternoon of pouring time and energy into my writing. It wasn't realistic that I had enough free days or even afternoons to do that. So I just gave up on it, but didn't stop the hassle.
Lately, I've had a lot more time and energy on my hands, and I'm still not writing. I know for the most part it is fear at the subject I want to write about. It is hard, and sometimes painful, to go back to the year after my Dad died and put the experiences on paper. I feel pretty empty and depleted after an afternoon of doing it, and with what I'm going through career wise I just don't know if I actually do have the energy for it. This coupled with the hasslebots (which is what they're called) arriving sometimes 3 times in a week (the sending them roughly every _ days gets a little back logged sometimes apparently) has left me feeling a little annoyed, somewhat guilty and thankfully more motivated.
A few, no more like 8-9 months ago, I was writing a lot more on this blog and I saw my readership grow, it was really exciting. But, I being a blog reader know that if you don't update often you're going to lose the readers who aren't your friends and family. (Hi Mom). So, I want more readers who don't know me, just know my words. I want to write more, and not just because the hasslebots tell me to. I have time, I have energy and maybe by committing to write here more often I'll build up the endurance to open that word document that's staring at me from my desktop every morning.