Monday, October 13

All Things Considered

A friend asked me tonight how I was. I immediately answered that I was good, and then added in an all things considered, which she questioned. I answered, "because of the being unemployed and all" (riveting conversation, I know). Thinking about it now, I guess I do feel a sense of not being allowed to be happy, or good, or even great considering the situation. And not only my current situation, but the world's. But I am happy overall, my life is good, maybe even great...besides being unemployed. I could hear tomorrow that I have a job, at a great company that suits me nearly perfectly and maybe it is that hopefulness that keeps me in good spirits, most of the time.
I found last night as I was trying to fall asleep that I started to get anxious about hearing about the job this week and realized I hadn't felt it at allover the weekend despite having thought I'd hear Wednesday and then Thursday and then Friday night I realized I wouldn't. I was able to put it out of my mind since I knew there was no chance I could fantasize it happening when I wanted. What is it with anxiety and worrying that allows you to control it so easily sometimes, and then not at all no matter what you do or what people say to you at others? Maybe it is just me.
Regardless, I believe it was this ability to enjoy my weekend and put that which I cannot control out of my mind that has left me with a sense of happiness and hopefulness.
All this has left me with a new found sense of wanting to relish in and celebrate the goodness I have. Maybe it is just that subconsciously I can feel myself nearing the end of my job hunt and I want to make the most of getting to settle in with my husband as we start our new life together. All things considered, that ain't so bad.

1 comment:

brookem said...

wishing you luck with the job search! anxiety is a funny thing, how one day we can capture it and take control over it, and other days it seems so far out of our control it can be really scary.