Fireflys

So I do this thing when I've got plans that involve putting forth out of the ordinary efforts. I want to bail out last minute. Say, I've got plans to meet friends somewhere that requires trains I've never taken before and many transfers and will result in me not knowing how to get home from said place. I'm usually gung-ho when we make the plans and then as the day comes and the time to leave approaches, I want to call and say, "Sorry, I'm out." I'm pretty sure it is because I don't want to put in the effort, and am a bit nervous about getting there. But if I had stuck it out, and gone anyway despite my hesitations I would probably have had a blast, seen a new part of the city and gotten more comfortable with the transit system, so how come I can't see past my ehhnes?
Perfect true life example:
I bought Summer Stage Decemberists tickets about a month ago. I was totally pumped. I'd been listening to Crane Wife since the beginning of the year and was really getting into it. Many weekends in February and March had been spent at home with Mom, Decemberists blasting and us writing at the kitchen table. Enough back story, I was excited.
Then, all of a sudden it was the Sunday before the concert. I didn't know what time the show was, where the stage was, and what the plans with my friends were. I started to get a little anxious.
E-Mails were flying back and forth on Monday, and it was determined that the working girls would meet the non-working girls inside the venue close to when we figured the Decemberists would go on. We would miss the group dinner and find it on our own, sad. I felt rushed at work, we had spent most of the day at another location meeting people, and I almost felt like canceling, working till 7 and just chilling at home with Matt. What didn't help was that I'd had a busy full weekend and Monday hurt even more when it came. Again, I wanted to cancel. I'd been so pumped when I'd bought the tickets and now, I didn't care. I was able to see a great up-and-coming band, in the middle of central park on a gorgeous day and I didn't want to. What's wrong with me?
Well, I didn't back out- really how could I? Instead I took my time at dinner with my other working-girl friend and causually strolled over to the park and Summer Stage entrance. I tried not to rush myself, or stress myself out, it wasn't worth it.
When we got inside, the non-working girls weren't even there yet! We sat around and people watched as Grizzly Bear played, I wasn't that into what they were playing at the time, and waited. When the full group finally came together we pushed our way into the crowd and got pretty good standing room seats.
Grizzly Bear played their last song, and I loved it, and then the Decemberists came on and they were fantastic. They tell such great stories with their songs and put on a great live show. They were all dressed as if for a garden party and started the show with summery songs. I only know their most recent album and I loved the new-to-me songs and want to download their other albums after I post this.
While we were clapping and yelling for them to do an encore I thought about my hesitations earlier in the day and how glad I was that I'd ignored them. I was standing in front of a small stage, seeing a fantastic band with great friends, a cool summer breeze was blowing around us and firefly's flickered beyond the stage. "I have to remember this feeling next time", I thought, and hopefully I will.