Sunday, September 30


As I drove into Cambridge on Route 2, I instinctively looked to my right to watch as Boston came in to view. There was something slightly mellow and maybe a bit depressing playing in the car and a heavy sense of nostalgia came over me which was soon followed with layers of sadness and longing.
I miss Boston, I miss the social network I had there, the dailyness of my life, how easy it was to jump in my car and head anywhere. But, I only miss it when I'm there. I'm happy in New York. Very happy. I have new social networks, I have my dailyness and routines and most importantly Matt and I are together, finally.
When I'm in Boston, I think of what I miss, who I miss and what my last year in Boston was like which brings up the feelings of grief.
Matt and I stopped in Boston on the way home for Labor Day weekend and I got a drink with friends, it felt great. We danced to a semi-bad band, we drank good beer and wine and caught up in person. As we left, heading to NH for the weekend I was filled with longing for more. More weekend nights with old friends which always left me feeling fulfilled. As the cab drove us from Brighton to the North End this weekend I found myself in the front seat and as he went through the tunnel in the lane I would drive in every evening on my way home from work to Somerville I flashed to that time in my life, and missed it... not necessarily the job, but
As soon as we got back to NY after Labor Day, I began weekly girls' nights with bad shows and good convo, started class, and kept a full schedule and felt good.
But now again, I'm missing my friends who I spent a weekend with full of fun, food, dancing, drinks and a few tears (a typically bachelorette party weekend I think). I'm missing who I was in Boston, but not unhappy with who I am in NY. It is an odd thing for me to feel and balance, I'm sad in this moment...yet in general really happy. I'm feeling like I'm missing someone or something, or both...and yet I'm totally fulfilled with my life here.
The drive back propelled me into these thoughts...the light filtering through changing colored trees on the Meritt, the cool air, the layering of clouds on bright blue sunny sky. I love fall, but I do find I'm always much more thoughtful in fall...and I suppose dear reader you'll benefit from that.

1 comment:

jens said...

we miss you, too