Friday, October 5

He's Strong

Often times I'll find myself tossing and turning in bed with racing thoughts of things I want to do, things I have to do, people I'm missing or worried about, people I'm angry or anxious about. And I just let myself toss and turn and toss some more until I either just give in to sleep or take something to help lull me in to sleep.
I started doing this last night and then thought, why don't I just get up and write it all down. I figured it would be a good release, I'd go to bed feeling more sense of calm and my run down immune system would take over the active mind and make it shut down so my body could rest. So I wrote, and wrote and I still felt the buzzing of my thoughts. So I wrote some more, really digging into where my head was at and trying to express what needed to get out so I could slow down and sleep.
I lay back in bed still restless and unsure of why I couldn't just shut up and sleep. I was exhausted, I had been exhausted all day. Where was sleep? Matt came in, I needed him, I figured his calming presence would help. And it did.
It pulled everything out of me that was at the same time weighing me down and hyping me up. And when I apologized for getting his shirt wet and thanked him for letting me pour it out on him he of course just shook his head and told me, "This is what I'm here for. I can take this stuff on for you." And I thought for a moment about us, our relationship. I was sad for anyone out there who doesn't have this next to them in bed at night, because we all need that person with us, partnering us, that person who will take on anything for us, whether it means action or not. We need someone wiping the wet hair away from our face and stroking our arms, someone pulling us closer and tighter when we need it and opening their arms back up for us after we lean up to blow our nose, no matter how strong we are, and can be, everyday.
And I woke up this morning feeling better, lighter and less stuffed up, like maybe he has taken it on for me, and for him it's not as heavy.

1 comment:

Sarah A. said...

When I read this, I want to take it on for you too... And then I see that you are okay, that Matt is giving you just what you need. I can't wait to see you in a few short weeks. Maybe I'll take some of 'it' on with me to the wedding, turn it around, and bring it back to you - so you can feel something new for a change. I love you Adia, don't forget that! xo S.