Wednesday, January 17

Future Girl

As the month reaches the middle and I start feeling the end of March approaching my eagerness grows to get to NY and settle in to a new way of life; living with Matt, starting a new job, navigating a new city, making new friends, strengthen old relationships. I'm also starting to find that more and more I'm living in the future, pushing through each day to get to the next and the next and then the weekend and then the next month. Is it healthy? Probably not. Do I keep letting myself do it? Yes. I need something to look forward to and I'm letting myself continue to find the next thing to look towards when current days pass. I can't remember if I've always done this or if its a result of the loss last year. I find days and times when I'm truly living in the moment, not looking towards the next moment, but they are few and far between. I'm not sure if I want to change this current mindset, its driving me, pushing me to work hard and stay motivated. I'm somewhat convinced that when I get to NY I'll want to take in each moment, each newness, relish it all and really live in it-- I'll start being in the present, surely still looking forward to the future plans I'll make, but appreciating what I have in the moment and feeling like I've finally gotten to the place I've been standing on my tip toes to see for so long.

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