Thursday, October 16


I'm so ready for something else to be happening in my life. I know those people with busy jobs and lots of daily activities would probably happily trade places with me, but only for a moment I'm sure. Will I look back at all this time off and think, "wow wasn't that nice to have so much time to settle in to married life"? I probably will. But right now, in these moments- I'm bored out of mind most of the time. Lately my days have been filling up more, with lunches and running dates and such- all great. But it is at night that I find myself getting the most stir crazy. Usually I would just zone out in front of the TV, but it is hard when there are exciting sports on, especially hard when these exciting sports involve my team losing in big disappointing fashion and my husband taking pleasure in it.

Last night I had a nightmare that involved a lion, cheetah, tiger, and I think a zebra, running loose outside and inside of my Mom's house. There were lots of people around that were in danger. The cheetah while we were still outside, kept coming up to me and would have its mouth on my arm and I'd shake it off incurring no damage and get somewhere safe. Then we all moved inside and they were trapped in various parts of the house because of closed doors, but I knew those doors were old and could easily be pushed open by a small cat, never mind a very large one. At one point the cheetah got outside and ate Victoria Beckham's dog, she said something like, "Oh darn" in a posh British accent. I was nervous about Matt who was sleeping on top of an open air bus outside, but I didn't want to send anyone out there to get him for fear the now loose cheetah would get him/her too. I finally managed to just wake myself up and get my mind to go elsewhere.
All day I've been trying to figure out what the dream meant. I think the animals came from our trip to the Zoo about a month ago, but what was with them being all over my space? They weren't truly attacking anyone, but I felt like they would at any moment. What are these animals doing running around inside my head for?
It was clear that they are feeling trapped and out of place and wanted out. There is so much in me that needs to get out, and I think the only outlet for these large cats is productive work that just doesn't exist for me right now. Yikes.
Too bad there wasn't a bear... lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

If I was working, I would relish these quite night moments and read a book, or find some internet hole to dive in to. I've done all that already though, I'm thoroughly relaxed and chilled out, as much as I can be given the situation, and now I want activity.

Hopefully on Monday I'll get the good news phone call and following it will be a busy week with lots of dates and activities and excitement to ride me through. For now, that's what I'll focus on to get me through the boredom.

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