Sunday, May 13


I haven't really planned anything, all I have is a flight, a room, sun, and sand. Right now that's all I want. Me, Matt, a good book, a cold drink and the beach or a pool for 7 days.

When we get back, I start my new job, I'll start to really live in New York, I'll have structure and things will be more scheduled. I'm ready. The change has been hard, or knowing the change is coming has been hard. Knowing its now been over a year since I lost my Dad. I'm really starting this new phase of my life, after one last escape, and it doesn't have my Dad as a part of it, he's not here anymore.

I've been laying on my bed staring out our window, staring out onto the bulidings around us, letting the anxiety turn to sadness, letting myself feel it, and release it. Letting what I've been bottling come out, it needs to be let out, I was holding to much in, letting myself be caught up in the holiday of moving and finding a job, in the vacation of having enough money to not work for over a month and do what I want and I wasn't doing enough of what I needed, that I might not always want to do. But this vacation is just what I need. I'll come back refreshed, renewed, ready. I'm anxious, but its a good anxious. Anxious to get there.

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